Between Two Consenting Idiots
by Upside-down Jupiter
Summary: A series of short pairing fics with highly varied canonicity. Chapter 5: Poor, poor Tatewaki. Chapter 6: Jun is encroaching upon dangerous territory, but what else is new?
1. Akira Was Here

"Akira~." Sae's voice was in full no-nonsense mode, and not to answer would likely be... unwise.

"What?" Akira had long since realized that locked doors were no obstacle to her sister in arms, and did not even bother asking how she had got in unnoticed.

"How long are you going to spend polishing your sword? It's two in the morning and you're really going to regret it tomorrow if you don't get some rest."

"I don't know. Look, I just keep going over the duel again and again in my head. I couldn't sleep if you drugged me."

"Oh?"

"And that was _not _an invitation," Akira added, emphatically.

"Well, this is: Come to bed. If not for your own sake, then for mine."

Smoothly as always, Akira proceeded to drop her sword on her toe and issue a string of expletives that was very nearly worthy of Sid. For the first time that night, though, she looked at something other than her weapon and the darkness outside the window, and even put the blade away. At least her shinyu's tone of voice was lightening a bit, but at the moment, her warm, dark eyes seemed to take up Akira's whole field of vision, capture her and draw her inexplicably closer. "Um... Sae? Is something wrong?"

"You remember what I said to you before?"

"Well, there were a lot of things..."

"The one about 'Akira was here?'" Alas, Akira did not appear to understand until Sae illuminated it for her in no uncertain terms, tracing a path down the front of her shirt as though her fingers were following a line of vertical text. She paused strategically, and was delighted to watch her partner turn about seven different shades of red within the span of three seconds. It was not quite a record, but it was close. "I've concluded it would be much more effective in _your _handwriting, rather than mine."

"Wha... I thought you broke it off! Ryouichi's never gonna see it now! Not unless something really goes off the rails! Right?"

"Are you really so dense? Wait... never mind, don't answer that."

As soon as she could breathe again, all Akira could think to say was "Huh?"

Sae stifled a giggle, and, now that she had come close enough, took her hand to pull her down onto the bed with her. "Look at me."

"I... seriously... cannot look at anything else right now." Akira swallowed nervously, not even really sure why she was so out-of-sorts.

"Good. Because I want you to write it. Just in case they do find a way to force me into it. And... I want for us to make it true. Here. Tonight." Akira gulped again and searched Sae's face. She wore only the half-mischievous, half-deadly serious expression that rendered her so frustratingly unreadable.

"You for real?" she managed to croak out.

"Of course. After all, honesty is one of the pillars of a happy and successful marriage, isn't it? Right up there with not seducing your future in-laws, I suspect. Ah, well. Guess nobody's perfect."

"Guh..."

"Besides, would I tease you? Oh... wait, don't answer that. Would I tease you at a time like this? Oh... wait... Let me just show you."

Most of Sae's words had dripped with irony, but the kiss that she followed up with had to be the least sarcastic thing she had ever done with her mouth. A circuit in Akira's brain overloaded almost immediately, and she collapsed forward onto her shinyu's chest with a thin trickle of blood running from her nose, unresponsive. Sae smiled and ruffled her hair affectionately, although she was quite certain Akira was too far gone to notice.

"There we go. Out like a light, and no drugs necessary," she said to herself with a smug little smirk. "I swear, Akira... sometimes you are such a teenaged boy after all."


	2. Perseverance

_Perseverance. _

_If I had a middle name, that would be it. Unless it was 'pervert.' Or 'not bisexual.' _

_So far so good. Both of my eyeballs are present and accounted for. I need those eyeballs so I can hide up here and watch you, Ayana. God damn if my head doesn't hurt, though. I must remember this feeling and keep it with me. It will make my inevitable victory all the sweeter, when I finally claim you._

_I'm not sure why you resist so much. I just want to make you forget everything else for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure I can, and it seems like once that happens I might safely say that I've known the real you. _

_Ah, she's getting up now. Go ahead, Ayana-chan. Show me something I haven't seen yet, whether it's a new sword technique or another side of you. Or, you know, your boobs. I'm not picky. _

_My... that's the same sequence of strikes you used in our fight. I wonder... are you thinking of me as you do that? Of course you are, with that cute little death glare and your teeth clenched. I must say, I'm flattered, considering the interplay of sex and violence I've observed from many people I have known._

_Yeah, that's the angle you nailed me with that time. Ouch. Splat, right on my face in the dirt where I belong. Reminds me of what Yuho said afterwards. Maybe she was right. I had your star already and then I got all worried about her and completely forgot I was supposed to be fighting. I have to wonder if the secret to winning the way you do is to at least tell yourself you don't give a damn about anyone else. If that's the case, I can never defeat you with my sword, nor do I want to._

_I don't say I love you just to annoy you, after all, even though you're pretty funny when you're mad. Or at least after the bleeding stops. But hey, if that's the only way you see fit to touch me for now, I'll take it. _

_Sooner or later, I'll find _my _way to conquer you. So watch out... I mean look forward to it._


	3. That Idiot Should Be In Pictures

"That's good, just keep tilting your head back and pinch it, and the bleeding should stop. Goodness, what a mess."

"One question, if you do not mind. Exactly how did you come by such a picture?"

"Being a master pervert, I have my ways, which is to say I took it myself. Please just accept that as a good enough answer. Here."

Isuzu impatiently waved away the proffered tissue box and pressed her inquiry further, peering again at the photograph she had just been handed instead. "But it almost looks as if Momoka-san deliberately posed that way for your benefit. Tell me, was that the case?" Her tone, while just as polite as ever, carried the tiniest edge of menace. Jun went a bit pale, but pressed on.

"No, no! This one was just a lucky shot, really. Most girls do that when they're trying to catch some sun with no one around and they're not taking ninjas into account. And who'd know that any better than I?"

"I see. I shall have to keep a closer watch over her in future."

Jun barely managed to stifle a snicker. Isuzu had just looked so _serious_ when she said it!

"Another thing I don't understand is that if it is, as you say, part of your prized collection of… ah…_ questionable_ photos, why would you be so willing to part with it that you just randomly offer it to me?"

"Well, that's easy. I like to encourage such endearing young passions as yours wherever I find them. Our kind have to stick together, after all."

_"Our_ kind?" Isuzu asked pointedly, carefully tucking the picture into a pocket of her jacket.

"Oh, you know what I mean... I hope."

"Kuga-san. Are you suggesting that I am also a... ah... pervert?"

Jun facepalmed for a moment. "Well, for certain values of pervert, absolutely. Oh, honestly, _here!_ You're even scarier than usual, looking like that!"

Isuzu finally took the tissues that were still being pushed at her and wiped off what she could of the blood. Alas, enough of it had dried that she retained the look of a very careless vampire. "Which values would these be?"

"Ohhhh, this is not going to be easy, is it?"

"Go on." Isuzu was looking at her expectantly. Jun gulped, adjusted her collar, and then squared her shoulders. This was going to take nerves of steel. Possibly titanium, even.

"All right, Inu-chan. Let me explain a few things to you… See, when a girl likes another girl a whoooole lot..."


	4. The Idiot Wore Black

It had been a week of this already, and Otoha's alleged friends had not let that one stupid comment from Ayana go. She supposed it had to happen eventually, of course. That girl's memory was only becoming worse, it seemed. She used to at least manage to call Otoha "Kiji-something" on a fairly regular basis, but now she seemed to have been demoted to "the one with too many 'i' sounds in a row," or "the one with the lightning that doesn't work very well." Or, in this particular instance, for reasons she could not begin to fathom, "Mimi."

"Ki. Ji. Mi. Ya," she had spelled it out with great emphasis.

Naturally, she had also checked to see if there was something wrong with her ears, and found nothing amiss. They were hardly her most striking physical feature, if she said so herself. Of course Momoka had made a big show of how funny the whole incident was. Even Isuzu had laughed. She had done her best to maintain her composure, but the eventual failure ended up being all the more obvious for her efforts.

But Michi... Oh, dear, sweet Michi… Surely that was the unkindest cut of all. Apparently she had a new pet name.

Michi was also the reason she was wearing a headband with a pair of fuzzy feline ears attached to it just now. If only her shinyu was not so damn hard to refuse, and so damn hard to stay mad at, she would not be in this predicament.

"Look, Mimi-chan, they even match! They've got white tips too!" Michi had said, giving her the most evil puppy eyes, along with the cat ears. "It'll be really cute!"

"I don't do cute! I do powerful… I do dangerous."

"Oh come on! Please? I bet Mudou-san would even remember your name, if she saw you with these."

"I do believe I can even pull off sexy…"

"...if you do say so yourself," Michi had added, sparing her the necessity. Also rolling her eyes, which was really uncalled for, as far as Otoha was concerned.

"But never with that thing on!"

Alas, her resolve had weakened under the onslaught, and here she was.

In the dining hall.

Wearing the goddamn cat ears.

And, for once in her life, hoping with every fiber of her being that nobody noticed her at all.


	5. What Flower Means Idiot?

"Red roses for love… These blue ones should complement Hitsugi-sama's eyes… white lilies because… reasons." It took Tatewaki over an hour to complete the flower arrangement to her satisfaction. Truly, it was a magnificent creation when she had at last finished and spirited the whole thing away to the dean's office to await its recipient. She got to work on her filing, occasionally looking out the window to see if Hitsugi was on her way. Nevertheless, the girl's entrance still managed to startle her nearly to the ceiling.

First of all, she flung the door open with a resounding crash, which would have been enough on its own. However, she was also leading her horse. Into the office. Along with her somewhat distraught shinyuu. Tatewaki accidentally crumpled a new applicant's academic transcript.

"Hitsugi-san! Why are you bringing the horse into your office?" Shizuku was half-whispering, half-yelling in exasperation.

"Again, dear Shizuku, you are looking at the situation in entirely the wrong way. I believe that the question that requires asking at this juncture is, why ever would I not?" Hitsugi released the reins in order to bestow her divine touch upon Shizuku's unworthy shoulder, and Tatewaki snapped a pen in half as her fists involuntarily clenched, spraying ink all over the tiny, half hidden desk that served as her own 'office.'

"You will clean that up." Hitsugi said without looking at her. The contemptuous tone alone was enough for anyone to be certain that it was directed at the unfortunate assistant.

The last straw was the sight of the horse munching on the flower arrangement. Tatewaki fainted.


	6. Always The Quiet Idiots

Most girls, upon finding someone of Jun's ilk skulking anywhere near where they had just been bathing, quite naked and potentially vulnerable, might have run screaming into the hills. Sae, however, did not go in for that damsel-in-distress nonsense; it was simply not her style. "And just what are you up to on this fine evening, Kuga-san?" she asked instead.

"Oh… nothing," said the ninja, with studied innocence that seemed so real that Sae almost felt tempted to let herself believe it, just to see where it went. In the end, though, it just looked even more suspicious.

"Which, added to your shifty expression, means that you've already been up to it."

Jun looked even shiftier at that.

"I seem to recall that you were ordered in no uncertain terms to stay away from the student council's private bath."

"Was I? Slipped my mind."

"Seems we need to remind you daily, not weekly, then. Duly noted."

"Well, I've taken a few blows to the head in the last week, you know. And I never had the greatest memory to start with. Ask anybody who knows me; they'll tell you. _Totally_ slipped my mind."

"I know enough about you to know that every word of that was a lie, except for bit about blows to the head. I'm curious what could tempt you so much that you'd risk your life for it?"

"And I believe you know exactly what was tempting me."

"A bold statement that admits to nothing."

"This game is not entirely new to me, Inori-san."

"I suppose it would not be. And I have to say your talents in stealth are showing a marked improvement."

Jun smiled over at her, delicately keeping herself just out of Sae's immediate reach. "I work tirelessly."

"And how! But the next time you're thinking of taking a nice, long look… just remember that I do owe you an unexpected dip in the water."

She had not thought that Jun, of all people, would blush at such an innocuous comment, or at least not quite so hard. Interesting.


End file.
